Here’s the post, with 57 campaign lines hidden within. Can you spot them all? As promised on The Drum the answers will appear sometime soon.
Attitude. As one of today’s customers, I don’t leave home without it. And because I know the average person is exposed to somewhere over 1500 marketing messages a day, I make damned sure I’m anything but average. When it comes to rubbing me up the wrong way, nothing acts faster than an ill-timed pitch, or bland statement to make the prospect of a sale impossible. ‘Is nothing sacred any more?’ I ask myself as I try to get through the day without being labelled an A, B or C1. Don’t know why I feel like there’s a million marketeers with hands in my pockets, I just do. It’s one of the reasons I’m fickle, brand-disloyal and downright difficult to please.
I’m only here for the beer but I can get another one any time, any place, anywhere.
I know good things come to those who wait but I prefer moving at the speed of business.
I’m not into jazz but I understand why eight out of ten cats prefer it.
And when the man from Del Monte says ‘Yes’ I often prefer to say it with flowers.
That’s right – I’m no longer interested in whether it’s probably the best beer in the world; I want to know it definitely is, why it is and how you’re going to prove it.
It’s all well ‘n’ good empowering the Internet generation but stop sending me those infernal emails. I’ve heard of Viagra. It’s what your right arm’s for.
Isn’t it? I can’t quite make out the small point size on the instruction leaflet.
I’m high on multiple online reviews and I’ve got the lowdown on what’s best for me.
Yeah, I know a little dab’ll do ya, but sometimes I just want to splash it all over.
And when I’m on the go and thirsty, I could drink Canada dry – whatever they’re serving. Call it liquid engineering – and remember I’m running on a hybrid engine.
I could drink camp – it’s they best they say. And while I’d love a Babycham, I’ve heard it makes you feel like the man you are.
Oh yeah – we’re today’s hard-to-please consumers. And you know what, some of our best men are women. So watch it.
Someone once asked me, ‘Have you ever had a bad time in Levi’s?’ No, but I know life’s good – if not better – out of your Levi’s too.
So sell me jeans with a fluffy yellow puppet by all means, but I think you’re on the make. Believe me, I really do.
And while every little helps, I can’t help feeling smug at wotalotIgot.
I don’t want my bank to be the listening bank, I just want my bread wi’ nowt taken out.
There’s no doubt it’s good to talk but have you ever wished you were better informed?
I have. That’s why my media is super social. That’s why you’d better be as sociable as me – and millions of others like me. Because word on the street is there’s no hiding place anymore.
And they say that when the tide’s in, dirt’s out. If that means make-up to make love in is only good for half the day, I’m not that interested, thanks.
More interestingly, Beanz Meanz Heinz apparently – but if they’re over fifty pence a can, beans means own brand to me.
And sometimes, just sometimes I’d actually prefer my nice, relaxing massage on the go. After all, it’s a lot less bovver than a hover and a lot of small talk.
It could be you – it really could be down to you that I’m rebelling against this brand bashing – but it’s got to be Gordon’s fault, whoever the heck he is!
Whatever happens I’ll make, up my own mind, thanks.
Just imagine what you could achieve if you stopped treating me like a demographic and more like a person.
Yes, I’ll listen to people purporting to be saving you money every day, but because I’m also interested in the true definition of luxury, yours is no easy task these days.
In fact, someone, somewhere wants a letter from you. It says, ‘Sorry for disturbing you in such a grey, stagnant fashion.’
AB1? Yeah, that’s right, ‘Awkward Bugger that one’.
Advertising: it’s everywhere you want to be – so you marketing bods better think local, act global and be as relevant and timely as possible.
Crikey, with ads on a roll I’m even being sold to in the loo. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is just to pull the chain down, my pants up and get the hell out.
Yep, you’d better stay cool in the high-pressure world of meeting your targets and budgets. Because once you pop you just can’t stop.
And once those shiny new campaign alloys start coming off, you really will realise the beauty of all wheel drive.
Yup, I’m afraid we’re a truly unfathomable, fussy, crowd we consumers, but we’re sure you’re going to like us.
Oh yeah, I love what you do for me today, but tomorrow I’ll be cold as ice. That’s why I want to come home to a real fire – real benefits, real features sold in with zeal, truth and integrity.
You see, nothing runs like a deere old beloved campaign, but nowadays, you’ve got to really reach out and touch someone.
Because life’s complicated enough these days you, the marketer, have to be smarter, fitter, tougher than the next marketer and remember one thing: trust. Just as you can trust your car to the man with the star, chances are you can trust your creative to your agency – and the copywriter to get the messaging right.
Yes, I’m one of today’s modern punters and if you’re in marketing you’d be wise to think different. Think big, think small – but whatever you do, think customer.
Because once you take care of your customer they might… just might, start taking care of you.
Schhh – you know who put 57 kinds of strapline and campaign line in this post? Me neither, and as a modern consumer of blogs, I’m really not that bothered.
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